Sugercane
最近一直聽著Missy Higgins的溫柔嗓音，淡淡輕輕的，有時低沉的喉音輕輕觸碰著心底沒人發覺得一塊寂寞地。聽著聽著不知為甚麼眼眶也泛起淺淺的淚水，短暫模糊了視線。或許一直假裝在異國很堅強的我，其實心底也是很脆弱的。前幾天看了友人的一本書，小篇短文說的是各種生活的感觸。寫道，「如果我有一個女孩，要教她外表脆弱，但內心堅強。如果外表堅強，內心脆弱，突破了外表那道牆，就容易受傷。」我築起的那道牆，或許是來掩飾內心的空虛與脆弱。
算算在德國已經快待了兩年了，剛來的時候情景歷歷在目，不知時間也過了很快。離家鄉越遠，就越覺得家鄉的甜蜜與溫馨。猶記得剛開始信誓旦旦，大膽的離家的主意，一直覺得自己是待在鳥籠裡的學飛的小鳥，想要逃離台灣逃離家裡的束縛，長了翅膀的我急著展翅高飛。但是異國裡沒有自己家人與家鄉朋友的圍繞，就像折翼的小鳥一樣，飛也飛不高，也跑不遠。我一直都知道自己是個堅強的孩子，也一直這麼說服自己，但是時間久了越來越想家...飛累了鳥兒也要回家。說服自己的是意志，這是我的決定我的選擇。但...內心怎麼還是脆弱的。
一個多月前，要離開台灣的那天。上飛機前幾個小時，在外公外婆家陪陪他們，臨走之前一聽到老人家舍不得哽咽的話語，眼眶的淚水不停的冒出，但還是止住溢出眼眶。怎麼樣也要為他們堅強。我一直告訴自己絕對不能在家人面前掉淚。但最後上機前機場上電話中的道別，再也忍不住抱著媽大哭起來，哭著同時想著『都已經離開家一年多了，怎麼還是想哭...』才明瞭，離家越遠，羈絆越深。自從回來之後，想家的時間比過去的一年多了好幾倍，或是牽掛、擔心、世事變化的速度遠比我想像的快。
So grow tall sugarcane
Eat that soil, drink the rain
But know they'll chase you if you play their little games
So run, run fast sugarcane
Higgins唱的這段，一直讓我想起家的味道。但是在這裡的我要長大，eat that soil, drink the rain...grow tall sugarcane.
"Sugar Cane"
Baby ballerina's
Hiding somewhere in the corner
Where the shadow wraps around her
And our torches cannot find her
She will stay there till the morning
Crawl behind us as we are yawning
And she will leave our game
To never be the same
So grow tall sugarcane
Eat that soil, drink the rain
But know they'll chase you if you play their little games
So run, run fast sugarcane
You see my peep-show booth is handy
There's a one-way-only mirror
So I can dance here with my hair down
But I don't see if you get bitter
ANd there's a button right beside me
If I happen to want a wall to hide me
If only the ballerina had one too
So grow tall sugarcane
Eat that soil, drink the rain
But know they'll chase you if you play their little games
So run, run fast sugarcane
Yeah you better run, run fast sugarcane
And she said always be afraid
Yeah you should always be afraid...
To grow tall sugarcane
Eat that soil, drink the rain
But know they'll chase you if you play their little game
So run, run fast sugarcane
You you better run, run fast sugarcane
0 意見:
張貼留言